But none the less it's a nice day and I'm going to write. I have been out of college for a year now and have basically been unemployed the entire year. This is mainly due to the fact that we will be traveling Europe for 2 months, and I can't commit to an office at the moment. I get temp jobs from time to time but usually, I am sitting at home or laying on the beach. Which gives me plenty of time to think. Thinking can be good or bad, especially when you have a mind like mine (See traffic jam blog). In a nut shell, this is what I have learned over the last year, in no particular order:
-money will most definitely NOT make you happy.
-I don't depend on coffee nearly as much as I thought I did in college.
-I have to live near a body of water to refrain from feeling landlocked.
-our next apartment must have more kitchen counter space AND a washer&dryer.
-my boyfriend is the only one who truly 'gets' me.
-home grown veggies taste so much better than grocery store ones.
-YOU are in charge of your own life.
I'm not going to sit and elaborate on all of these, but I'll pick a couple:
-Money will not make you happy. I grew up in a pretty affluent area. We were not rich but not poor either. Middle class seems to be the right word. I didn't feel deprived growing up because my sister and I pretty much got everything we wanted and definitely everything we needed. But I always thought.. "If we had more money, my closet would be twice as big. I could drive a BMW too. We could go out for more expensive meals..." blah blah blah. I met a group of very wealthy people a few months ago. Good looking guys, in their mid 30's. Flying private jets to Istanbul, Turkey where the CEO of Corvette is located. This one guy in particular was showing me photos of this trip: Partying on a huge yacht, Don Perion flowing and beautiful women swarming them. But you know what he told me? He said, "I have a gap in my life. I'm missing love." So I go on asking him why he's single, etc. He said women just want his money, not him. He was tired of the royalty game that was now his life. Sex and drugs everywhere, artificial people, lies, manipulation, everyone only looking out for themselves. I'm not saying everyone who has money have these same opportunities or even the same outlook. But one thing it seems a lot of these people have in common is that somewhere along the line, they are more superior to the person who has less financially. I honestly don't even think they mean to be this way, but it's inevitable sometimes (not always) I think. I am still waiting to meet the super humble rich population. Take the guy in the Mercedes convertible flying down the highway and cutting people off. I see it every single day. "You car means nothing! Your looks mean nothing! What you HAVE mean nothing!" That's what I feel like yelling after those people. I want to ask them, "Who is the real you? Are you happy?" Maybe this is a result of living in a place like California, where image is so much more focused on than inside qualities. But then again, I've seen this in other places too (Denver, Australia), so it must be our world as a whole. Everything on TV is about image. Women and men have to look a certain way to get any sort of media attention. (ok getting off topic here..) I touch on this subject because Adam and I have totally been on our own over the last year. We have been living pay check to pay check and I have never been happier. When we choose to settle down and quit traveling, we'll be able to save of course. I have a talent that luckily will keep us more than comfortable and Adam has some prosperous business ideas. But right now, we are broke as a joke. But we're happy. One thing I feel like I have that others don't, is the love and trust I have with my boyfriend. There is nothing that concerns me about Adam. I know his love is pure and real and no amount of money or wining and dining will ever make him more attractive in my eyes. It saddens me to see people I know and people I don't know, who are caught in the alternative. I would rather pack a bag full of good cheese and wine and set up a picnic on the beach. I love to camp (as long as I can make a comfy bed free from spiders). Don't get me wrong, I like nice things, and some would even say I'm high maintenance in certain areas. But my point is, those things that you can hold in your hand, don't make you happy. I'm not putting everyone with money in a certain category, I'm just stating what I have seen through my personal experiences. Tangible "things" will not make a person happier. Happiness come from deep inside a person and from the people you choose to surround your life with. Maybe it's just my personality, maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm diving into something I know nothing about. But I do know one thing. I know how it feels to be so full of happiness. And it's not the times when I have a thousand dollar shopping spree at Nordstrom, or have just gotten my hair done, or have just paid 100 bucks for a steak. It's the time when I'm laying on the couch with Adam in our simple beach apartment, watching movies and eating fondue. Or the times when I have an hour conversation with my dad over the phone. Or watching my little brother get so excited over the smallest things. Or venting to my supportive girlfriends. I could go on and on showing my trend of happiness. I hope everyone will one day understand this because it took me a long time to come to this reality. And I'm so thankful I did.
-I have to live near a body of water so I don't feel "landlocked". After high school I went to Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, Arizona. It's a mountain town and reminded me a lot of Colorado. I remember my freshman year, about 2 months in, feeling queasy and claustrophobic. I couldn't figure it out and it was lasting for days. Then a friend of mine invited me to Sedona where they have creeks and large ponds I like to call them. We would go to slide rock and slide down this super long creek until you ended up in this big pond where you could wade in. Once I got there for the first time, my claustrophobia went away. Then I came home for Christmas and spent my days on the beach and again, I felt free and not so secluded. The water looks like it spreads out forever and it sorta does. After 3 years at NAU, I transferred to CU Denver for hygiene school. I loved the mountains but I liked Cherry Creek Reservoir more. There is something about the water and not the mountains that keep me relaxed. Plus, it's so much effort puting on layers and layers to go snowboarding. I hate when my face stings from the cold and I'd rather just put on a tiny bathing suit and be on the beach..... And this is why I came back to San Diego and definitely plan on calling California (even if we move up to San Francisco) home. Some people find their calmness in the mountains or desert. Mine is definitely on the water.
-Adam is the only one who truly 'gets' me. He can walk in the door after being at work all day, without me saying a word, and instantly know if something is wrong. He will call me at lunch and know from the tone of my voice that something isn't right. And he knows when I am happier than ever and that is his favorite part. Seeing me happy. I have spent just about every single day and night with him over the last year and I have gotten to know him so much more than before. Moving in together was the best decision I have made so far. But I take some of this back.... My dad is the other man who fits this description to a "T". I have been blessed with 2 amazing men in my life, I honestly can't believe how fortunate I am. My boyfriend supports me and cherishes me. He understands me and believes in me. I could flatter this boy all day long but for your sake, I will stop now.
-"Life is what you make it." My mom used to tell me that all the time when I would whine and complain about somewhere I had to go or something I had to do. It used to frustrate me so much, I would get so mad at her for stating something so true and easy. You mean if I just change my perspective and turn my bad attitude around, this really will be a good day? YES YES YES!! Sure, bad things will come up but it's how we deal with those that will change our entire day, month, or year, around. I used to have a poster on my fridge in Denver that said, "Today is a good day!" Our minds are so powerful and just thinking something positive will shape and change your outlook. At least it has for me, so give it a try. :)
I didn't mean for this blog to "brag" about how happy I am, but rather to say how thankful I have become over the last year. I take absolutely nothing for granted because people and things can be gone in an instant. I by no means consider myself to have all the answers, I am just stating what I have learned personally, and this didn't come over night. My ears and eyes are wide open and I'm anxious to keep filling myself with new realizations... Good thing I've got several years to do that;) I am way too excited for Europe and for what the different cultures are going to teach us. It's going to be a good end to a good year. I just know it.
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