I hate to say that I haven't been able to make time to blog, and it's true! I left off in Italy which was followed by an amazing time in Barcelona, Spain with my spanish family. It was truly amazing and Adam and I feel so fortunate to have been able to take a trip together and step outside our norm for a bit, while observing so much this world has to offer.
We have been back in the San Francisco bay area now for almost 2 months. All is going well, although it is a much colder winter than we had in San Diego:( It's taking some adjustment.
I wanted to write for a couple reasons today... I should mention that when I do take time to "scribble" my thoughts down, I realize there may be no one reading, or there may be several people interested. Each of these entries allow me to "vent" in a way, and it always feels good to do so. I do keep a personal journal too, but this is healing on a different level because maybe I touch on something that others are thinking too and would like to say out loud.
Today I'm writing with an especially heavy heart due to the recent 'Tucson Tragedy' that so unfortunately took place exactly a week ago. Over the last week, my mind has been overwhelmed with thoughts about how the family and friends of the victims must be feeling. I've had trouble sleeping because I've been full of such emotion, from anger towards this mentally unstable individual who carried out this attack, to such sorrow and compassion for the ones who innocently died. I was reading bios of each victim at work. The young 30 year old who was engaged to be married. The 9 year little girl who attended the "Congress on your Corner" event because she was already fascinated by politics. All 6 of the people who were murdered have family members who are waking up and wondering how they are going to get through the coming days, or even their entire lives, without their loved one. And then there is Gabrielle Giffords and the others who were wounded, fighting for their life in the ICU as I type this.
I don't exactly know why, when awful things happen in this world, it always feels so deep for me. I imagine this is part of human nature, that the greater good of human beings will all feel at some point in their life. During this recent tragedy, I've wondered (which I'm sure most have): What would compel someone to do this to other people? If gun laws were a bit stricter would that have played a part? Why why WHY do horribly bad things happen to good people? It reminds me of my frequent wonders of our car accident, nearly 4 years ago. Why did this happen to us, out of all people? Why was my life spared and Mike and Jill's wasn't? These are questions without answers, that God only knows. These are questions we are not meant to understand or be capable of wrapping our minds around. But that doesn't stop us from thinking them.
I was driving home from yoga today, it was 60's and sunny in my new bay area home, and I was just thinking about how truly amazing my surroundings were. The bright sun, the green hills and pine trees, and the crisp smell (all which are quite different than being in san diego.... other than the sun of course;). I get so caught up with TV, magazines, and all my electronic "must haves", that it was refreshing for me to be driving and observing my present feelings. I loved it. During many instances like this, I have immediately shifted my gratefulness of life back to my "why" questions. Why can't Jill be experiencing this with me? That's a big one I always think about. But today I was soaking up the present and leaving those questions to be answered by God. Literally seconds after admiring all of God's beauty, the most beautiful song came on the radio. It made my eyes fill with tears, and when I got home I stayed parked to listen to it entirely. The song is called "Our God is Greater" and I've added the youtube video along with lyrics for anyone who reads this to enjoy too.
When I read these words it reminds me how powerful and healing our God is. He has a purpose for those I've lost in my life and for those who died senselessly in Tucson. He has an agenda for children who are taken from this life too young, for the poor and starving, for all the people dying in Iraq and all over the world. He puts violence and hatred on this Earth to see how we react to it. He gives us the precious gift of free will to choose a different route. And then there are those who don't choose and are suddenly taken away from us on accident. God has a plan for each person on this Earth. My personal goal is to try not to keep asking the "why" questions that I will never be able to comprehend. It's natural for us to wonder. But it takes patience, learning, and understanding of the Bible and God's words to come to terms with horrifying things that happen in our life. And to step back, surrender to a greater power, and TRUST that nothing is coincidental or happens on accident. No one last weekend was "in the wrong place at the wrong time". God wanted some of them home and now they are. My prayers go out to the grieving families and everyone affected in Arizona.
